Nobody Does
by CameoAmalthea
Summary: A series of one shots from the perspective of different Organization members.
1. Xemnas: Nobody Dreams

Blue hair framing a face; eyes just as blue, like the sky at dawn, or a tropical sea. A sea you could drown in, though drowning would be fine. Because they'd be there together, surrounded by warmth. Warmth, yes, that was what he remembered when he saw those eyes. Warmth and protection, someone who would be there for him.

Loyalty, now that was something...

Xemnas woke with a start. Just a dream, the same dream. Except, how could he be sure? He never remembered it when he woke. The dream was never finished.

Sometimes the nobody feared that he would cease to dream all together, for didn't dreams come from the heart like a wish? Were these wishes, a residual longing that he remembered but could no longer feel? Or were these just memories replaying like a tape on loop. Always the same, and signifying nothing at all.

Nothing. That is what Xemnas had, what all nobodies had. The Darkness and the Nothingness they'd all fade into, except for the distant hope of Kingdom Hearts. Sometimes he wondered why they hoped at all with no hearts to guide them. Nothing to guide them except his leadership, he was number I, superior of Organization XIII. He'd found them all, one by one and bound them together. He'd given them a purpose, and given them their names. An X for each name, X for Xehanort and for something else, something greater.

"χ"... A most ancient letter. Some say "kye," but the meaning is the same. Death... A letter that spells endings."

Were these his words? Xemnas couldn't remember saying them or what they meant, but they echoed through his mind as he sat in the darkness of his room. The superior got to his feet and began to wander the castle. No use sleeping, even if he longed to continue the dream, it was useless. The dream would never finish, and he would never have what he longed for. What he yearned for while he slept, memories of feelings like ghosts in an empty house.

Who was that person? What were these memories? Love?

Had he ever loved?

He can't remember, and perhaps it's better that way. Things are clearer without emotions to hold you back. Xemnas made his way to Roxas' room where the boy lay sleeping. He'd collapsed a day or so ago. Xemnas was not sure why exactly but guessed it had something to do with Sora, and what had happened at Castle Oblivion. As of yet, all he knew was that everyone had been destroyed.

The loss of loyal forces was unfortunate, but at least the threat of treason had been neutralized. "And you will wake," he said to Roxas, "and we shall continue." The key blade wielder would gather the hearts, the perfect pawn in Xemnas's game. "Just like he was, or are you the same? He looked like you." Except Xemnas didn't remember who he was. Someone he had used for his own goals once, or was it a friend he used to have. Someone who had been a brother. Xemnas didn't know, these memories were fragments, pieces of another life. A life he lost long before he lost his heart. Xemnas was a broken long before he became a nobody.

Who had he been? What was he? Would Kingdom Hearts make it clear?

Xemnas looked to the distance for a moment, then moved away leaving the sleeping boy behind. Soon he made his way back to his own room. He'd sleep again, let the dreams come again if they would. Perhaps tomorrow he'd go and speak with his friend. They were the same, something in him knew it.

The girl in his dreams and the pile of empty armor. The armor so like him, an empty shell.

So he dreamed again. Of blue hair and eyes, and of that smile which was so long ago. Xemnas wouldn't remember what he dreamed. It vanished upon waking, even on days like today when he awoke with a start, the name "Aqua" on his lips.


	2. Axel: Nobody Loves Anyone

Axel didn't care about Roxas, didn't like him, didn't love him; he felt nothing for him. He felt nothing for anything, really. Which made what he was about to do even more stupid, because there was no reason for it.

Everything he'd done during his time with the Organization had been calculated, it furthered his goals, Saix's goals. It was rational, brutal at times, and heartless, but that's exactly what Axel was. He had no heart. He had feelings. He did not care.

These things had enabled him to do whatever it took.

Killing his own comrades, even as they begged and looked at him with perfect facsimile's of fear in their eyes. He'd done it with a smirk. Even though he didn't particularly want the icky jobs, if he could like, he would have liked winning. Axel did what needed to be done, and everything was one step closer to furthering Saix's ends, and thus Axel's ends. They were together on this, they'd always been together.

Growing up, he'd been Isa's shadow, following him around, looking up to him. Isa was older, smarter, and had been considerably taller back then. Axel was taller now, and probably stronger. He didn't need Saix, he could serve his own ends now, even if they didn't make any sense.

Betraying the Organization was a death sentence, well, elimination. Axel couldn't exactly call what he was now "alive". Still, up until now self preservation had been pretty high up on his list of priorities, but he was beginning to question that. Why it should matter? Lea was dead, so was Isa, and nothing mattered. Literally.

He laughed at that, even though it wasn't funny, but maybe he liked to pretend that he could find the absurdity of it all hilarious.

Axel didn't know why he was doing this. Even if nothing mattered and he could not care, Axel was aware of basic needs. The need to exist, become whole again. Whatever he was as a Nobody, it wasn't quite dead, so he clung to what could be called life. Clung to his form, to his memories, to existence, and to the desire to be again. Kingdom Hearts had held that promise, and if he helped Saix, followed the plan, they would have it. Except, that didn't matter now either. The vague promise of heart. All that mattered now was getting Roxas back.

It was ridiculous.

Axel did not care about Roxas. Axel should have been able to eliminate him without hesitation, it wasn't like he could feel bad about it. But when they sent him after Roxas, Axel knew he wouldn't follow though. Bring him back, unconscious if necessary, sure, he could do that, but he didn't want to destroy Roxas. His heart wasn't in it, ok, bad turn of phrase, but there wasn't a good way to describe how he-no he didn't feel. It was hard to understand motives when you were empty, when you didn't care.

Maybe it was best to stick with needs. What Axel needed. He needed Roxas, he needed Roxas to stay with him, because Roxas was the only think that kept him from losing himself completely.

Axel remember who he used to be, Lea. Axel knew he couldn't have fallen farther. When he had a heart, he would have never have done of those horrible things. He wouldn't have been able to. As a nobody, things were simple, sum it all up to what was best for your own long term goals.

Axel was selfish, that was the nature of a Nobody. Selfishness, because when there's hardly anything left of "self" you have to be. Roxas made him feel like he was himself. Like he was something, like he had a heart.

Axel needed that feeling! And so he needed Roxas back, and nothing else mattered, especially not Roxas himself.

Axel lied frequently, he was a manipulative bastard after all, but he wasn't a very good liar. Especially when it came to lying to himself. So Axel knew he wasn't doing this out of love. He did not love Roxas, he not care about Roxas at all. He was going to find Roxas's other and rip his soul apart to get Roxas back, and he didn't care. He didn't care that he was going to make Roxas a heartless shell again, a Nobody, or that such a fate wasn't something he'd wish on anyone, even his worst enemy. He also didn't care who else he hurt along the way, or if he doomed the world, worlds plural, everything, by taking out their only hope.

Let the world burn! He didn't care, he wasn't capable. Let everyone die, it was nothing to him. The only thing that was anything was Roxas, having him, and being near him.

Because somehow being with Roxas had changed him, made him feel like he could be somebody. Even though he didn't believe in any of that. Axel didn't even really believe Kingdom Hearts could save them. Nobodies can't be Somebodies again, because there has to be some lines that once you cross there's no going back.

Except, when he was with Roxas he felt...something. Something he couldn't describe, but the fact that it was anything at all made it more than enough to go after.

So Axel had his objective: get Roxas back. He knows it's suicidal, and it can't end well for anyone. He knows that if he cared about Roxas, he would want what was best for him. He knows what he plans to do isn't out of love, it couldn't be farther from love.

Love is selfless. Love is what people with hearts can do,what Sora can and does do. Which is why going after Kairi is the most logical step, if only because Riku's too powerful and isn't worth the risk. So, Kairi is the target of choice. Because Axel knows about love in theory.

When you love someone, you'll do anything for them, even sacrifice yourself. That's how love is, selfless to the point that you'd give everything, even your life, for the person you love. That's what Axel's hoping for, let Sora die for Kairi, let Sora throw himself into the darkness so he'll die and Roxas will be reborn. Axel knows he could never do a think like that, because that would require caring.

If Axel could care, he probably wouldn't be doing this. If he could care, he might love Roxas, at least enough to let him go. But Axel can't, he can't let Roxas go anymore than he could love him. Love is something you need to do with all of your being, and he doesn't have a being to give for Roxas. So it doesn't matter, and he doesn't care.

Roxas once asked him about love, and since then Axel's figured something out. Some people talk about love as finding your other half, like the best friend charms, two pieces fitting together, forming a whole heart. Love isn't like that though. It's a heart, whole all by itself, being given to another, shared, so that both hearts grow. Like two small flames merging to create a bigger blaze.

Maybe Roxas had a heart after all, and maybe he actually loved Axel. Poor Roxas, if that was the case, because Axel knows he isn't worth it. Love is about giving, Axel has nothing to give, so all he can do is take. But maybe Roxas was giving, sharing the heart he somehow had, and Axel heavily suspects that Roxas had a heart. Axel knew there was something different about him, after all. Roxas genuinely cared about others, he'd been worried when he thought Axel had been eliminated with the others at Castle Oblivion, and the way he acted. Roxas cared, Roxas felt, Roxas wasn't like any Nobody could or should be. So if Roxas did have a heart, maybe this, this feeling Axel had when he was with Roxas was because of that. Because Roxas was sharing his heart with him, because Roxas loved him.

All the same, Axel knows he doesn't have a heart, even if Roxas makes him almost feel like he does. The truth is, Axel is empty inside, and has nothing to share. Nothing to bond him to Roxas. Nothing to give him a reason to care. And he doesn't, which is why he's going to feed Sora to the darkness and rip Roxas's shared soul appart. Because he doesn't care, and that inability to feel makes him able to do anything to satisfy his own selfish needs. It's the opposite of love, but what can you expect from a Nobody?

But why go through the trouble if he doesn't care? How can his need be this great if can't feel? Why risk his existence for another moment with Roxas? Maybe it's just chasing the ghost of a feeling. When all you've got is nothing, even the glimmer of a feeling can seem like everything. So here he goes, selfishness personified, because that's all it can be, all he's capable of. It's not about Roxas, it's about himself, looking out for number one, as always. Maybe, despite the feeling, Roxas hasn't changed him one bit after all, because he's still not willing to give anything. It's all take, that sums up the relationship.

And even though nothing really makes sense anymore, about one thing Axel is absolutely sure.

He does not love Roxas.


	3. Demyx: Nobody Is Afraid

Maybe the bad memories are easier to remember? When Demyx thinks about what it was to feel the first memory he remembers is fear, but maybe that's because fear was the last memory. When the Darknesss came and those monsters. They were like the monsters that came before, but different...bigger, blacker, and those glowing eyes. He'd tried to run, he'd run so fast but they'd come.

Ienzo had found him. Except, he wasn't Ienzo anymore, but Zexion. He was different in more than name too, he talked now. Ienzo never talked but he smiled at lot. Zexion didn't smile, not really, but he talked. A lot of the time he talked over Demyx's head but that didn't matter because Zexion was always nice to him, in his way.

Now he was gone, and all Demyx could think was how glad he was that he hadn't been chosen to go on that mission.

Not that he was really glad. Demyx couldn't feel anything, except he didn't want to be destroyed, none of them did. They clung to life, it's what made them what they were instead of nothing at all. Demyx didn't want to be nothing, but all the same the idea wasn't scary, no really. No real feeling anymore, no fear, no regret, no since of grief or loss when they got the bad news from Castle Oblivion.

Except that Roxas kid had seemed upset. Well, he hadn't really understood what destroyed meant. He looked all blank. The kid was weird. All Nobody's are are the memories we have and our body's, right? Except Roxas doesn't look like the key blade's chosen one. Demyx had seen pictures and that Sora definitely didn't look like Roxas, and Roxas had no memories. What was with that? The sometimes it was like he could feel?

Oh well, Demyx wasn't one to waste his time on questions. That's the sort of thing Zexion and Vexen did, or used to do, anyway...

Well on the bright side Roxas being all blank meant he was pretty gullible, and a gullible person was just what he needed for getting out of work. The thing about not having a heart was you just didn't care anymore, you looked out for yourself. That made some of the Nobody's really scary, like Larxene. Boy was he glad she was gone. Demyx wasn't mean, not like them, he didn't remember how to be, he'd been nice, well Demy had been nice.

Sometimes he wasn't sure who he was anymore.

Well at least he remembered his old name. They'd tried to rename him when he joined the Organization, your old name changed around with an added X. Except he couldn't remember the new name or how to spell it, learning would have been too much work.

He'd whined to the Superior until Xemnas had let him just add an X at the end. It was much easier this way. Then he was still Demy, but with an X, Demyx. Not that he went around introducing himself to everyone like Axel, or anything. Lea had been like that too. Maybe they were all still themselves, in some ways.

Except, when Demyx played his music, but it didn't make him feel the way it used to. Nothing did, and that was the rough part. Not caring was easy a lot of the time. It meant losing Ienzo didn't hurt. It meant he could go out of his way to get out of work and not feel bad about it. It meant nothing was his problem, because there weren't real problems, there was just...emptiness.

Demyx missed the music most, before it lost that thing it had. It used to fill him up like water in a basin, now he was empty, drained of everything that made him...whole.

He could remember happiness. Demy was happy most of the time, and friendly. Demyx remembered making friends. He missed that. No one in the Organization were friends. Not really, not even Zexion and him. They'd talked together yeah, and played games together. Zexion would play twister with him, he was the only one who would play twister with him, even though he'd always loose because Demyx had longer arms and legs.

Then sometimes, when he couldn't sleep and Xiggy had yelled at him to stop playing his sitar and threatened to shoot him is he didn't give it a break, he'd find Zexion.

"Read me a story?" he'd asked. Then he'd curl up beside him in bed and Zexion would let him fall asleep there. Demyx always acted like he was the younger one, even though Zexion was the youngest in the organization, or had been before Roxas and Xion came.

Not that it mattered. Demyx might not have been the youngest, but he the most useless, that was for sure. He wasn't cut out for combat. He just wanted to be a musician. Everything went so wrong.

The worst part was, he couldn't even feel sad about it. No regret.

Part of him knows, from distant memory, that he should miss Zexion. That he should be sad. It bothers him that he isn't, except it doesn't. It should though! He knows it should.

Oh well, he still has Xiggy. He isn't alone. Not that it matters. It can't matter. Except Demy liked having friends. Demy also thought Braig was the hottest guy he'd ever seen and had a huge crush on him, well as much as an a twelve year could.

They were adults now, and sometimes Demyx thinks that if Xiggy could like he might like him. They acted like friends, went through the motions, laughed even though nothing was funny anymore.

It made him think of those pirates he'd met once on a recon mission. Not a very good recon mission since he'd been caught. He never told his superiors about it, and as long as he wasn't in trouble it was no big deal. They were cursed too, except with them it was physical, the could remember eating but couldn't eat, they could drink but would always be thirsty. It was like that for Demyx, except with feeling, no matter what he did he felt nothing, like biting into something that had lost it's taste, that was what life was like now. Everything bland and empty, missing something he was terrified of forgetting.

If he could be terrified.

He still knew enough to avoid trouble when he could. Knew enough to run from danger and worm his way out a fight when he could, if he could, but it wasn't the same as feeling.


End file.
